Perfection doesn't exist
Patty has been a consistent companion of mine for as long as I can remember. She was there when I was in preschool, crying at the thought of being left alone with these people who were decidedly NOT my parents, grandparents, or siblings. Patty was there the first day I ever stepped into a classroom as a teacher and realizing I was the adult in the room as I stared into the faces of 28 teenagers. And she was there the first time I opened the camera on my phone to record a video to post on TikTok.
Patty is the name I’ve given my anxiety, perfectionism, ‘imposter syndrome’, etc. Patty has held me back from so many experiences I wanted to have. Excitement at the activity I wanted to participate in slowly transforming into dread as Patty’s nails seem to dig into my heart. I imagine Patty to be like Poison Ivy, vines sprouting and constricting my body, paralyzing me in place, as Patty whispers to me “isn’t safety and what you know so much more fun anyway?”
There is one time in my life though that I clearly remember Patty being fully absent. Oddly enough, it was the day I defended my dissertation, a day most people would expect to be very anxiety inducing. But a year prior I had told myself, I would defend my dissertation in a year come hell or high water. If it didn’t work out it wouldn’t be because I didn’t give it my all.
Something about making that promise to myself, drawing a line in the sand, made it so much easier to tell Patty to get lost, to remind myself that the vines I felt wrapping around me were not real and could not control me. Made it easier to look at myself in the mirror and say Patty does not get to steal experiences from me.
I knew my dissertation wasn’t perfect. But I knew it was done well. And that I have a whole career to keep working and improving. So it was enough.
About a week ago, I got on social media and declared that September would be SciTember: 30 days of science communicators pursuing their goals. A common reason why people were nervous to participate is really wanting to make their content perfect or know a little bit more about editing/filming/etc. before they start.
I’m here to tell you, that’s Patty holding you in place. Content creation isn’t a thing you can study and study and study and then pop out creating perfect content. There’s a learning curve that can only be scaled by doing. But I do understand how difficult it can be to tell Patty to get tf out for the first time. Here’s what I recommend if you are nervous about showing up on camera:
Promise yourself you’ll post 30 straight days to TikTok or IG Reels. Everyday hold the camera up, talk to it for 30-60 seconds, and post. Don’t edit it, don’t look back at it. Just post, then get off the app and go do something else so you’re not thinking about it. (I used to post as I was heading into as meeting or appointment so I literally couldn’t look). At the end of the 30 days you’ll feel a lot more comfortable and it will feel a lot less scary.
Find a community of people with similar goals and hold each other accountable. This was (and is) so important for my content journey. We all have days where Patty is louder than she normal. On those days, having folks you can talk to and who will encourage you is essential. If that’s something you need, feel free to mention it in the comments, search #SciTember and reach out to other folks participating, or purchase access to the SciTember Accountability Circle where I’m dropping in everyday this month with encouragement.
There’s never going to be a day where it suddenly feels easy to start. The confidence only comes from practice and being able to see how you grow.
Your perfectionism and anxiety is a liar. You are capable. You can do this. It doesn’t have to be perfect and you have a whole career to learn, grow, and improve. You are enough. I can’t wait to see you soar.
Jo | Dr. J